Communicaton: It's a Wonderful Thing if You Can Get It

Universities have paid thousands of dollars to research something we all know.  Men and women communicate differently.  We use different words and gestures for the same meanings. And we try to open communication in different ways. A man always wants the woman’s attention when she is on the phone, bathing the children, or taking a shower.  Maybe you've noticed that when couples are home alone and she is ready to talk, he will have a mandatory program to watch on the Discovery Channel.  This leads to the root of all evil—lack of communication. Listen to me now.  It’s true.  What we need is a dictionary. English speakers use a dictionary when communicating with someone who speaks Spanish, French, or Farsi, right?  It makes sense and it could save marriages. Here's a start.

Male Says	Translation
I’ll call you.	If you don’t hear from me in two weeks, I’m not interested.
Are you wearing that?	I like the slinky one better.
You look nice.	You are beautiful and I’m so proud to be going out with you.
We’re almost there.	We’re lost.
I’ll watch the kids for you.	I’ll watch the kids, but I can’t do dishes, laundry or yard work at the same time.  And tonight I’ll get a reward.
I like your tuna casserole just fine.	I’d rather eat dirt.
Yea, me too.	I love you too.
That guy’s an idiot.	His opinion is different than mine.

I'm sure you've noticed other ones. Send them along to add to the dictionary.